Yesterday the Sat Nam Rasayan experience was wildly exciting and I’m super excited for today. I’m learning more and more and being able to practice in such an intense way is incredible. Yesterday we explored our relationship to the relationships of our patient’s relationship. (I have no ideal what that means). BUT when I was exploring I again became inferno hot. Think hot flash on acid. Again, I simply noticed that it was a sensation and my resistance and just noticed it. Very hard to do because my physical body is sweating and I’m quite sure that when I take my fingers away from my patient, they will have burn marks. Seriously, that hot. It’s like you are standing way to close to a fire and know you should move back and don’t.
My patient suggested I talk to Guru Dev about it. Of course, I’m quite shy to approach the master, but I did. I said, “Guru Dev, I’m burning up and explained the above.” He looked at me for a moment and pointed to someone’s blanket balled up on their mat. He said, “Go get that.” So I did. It was red, heavy, and wool. He said, “Tie it around your waist.” So I did. Of course I’m thinking, “I’m hot, what on earth? I don’t need a wool blanket.” He said. “All better. Just tie something red around your waist.”
Okay, so I’m seriously in the looney tunes now and I’m not walking around with a red wool blanket tied to my waist that I stole from someone’s mat.
After break, he addressed my problem with the group. He basically said that what I have is a gift and a curse. The gift is the ability to channel prana at a high rate. The curse is that if you have no control, have blocked meridians of your own, then you burn up. He said (spoken in a whisper) that it ages you. Of course all eyes were on me and I was equally embarrassed at the attention and delighted to have super magical yogi skills that apparently were envious based on the assessment of the room, but I digress.
In Mexico, where Guru Dev is from, the healers tie a red string around their waist for this purpose. He assigned a meditation I will teach you when I return that allows an individual to harness prana.
So moving into the next meditation I totally blissed out and that’s when my “ah-ha” came. First, synchronistically, I’ve been learning about the red thread that binds you to your ancestors. This is not unique to just Mexico, it is a belief of many cultures. And then it hit me that Guru Dev had offered me a healing. He as the father figure that I am shy of and seeking approval from had singled me out as special and unique. He had even marked my white clothing with a huge red flag so that I might stand out. It’s hard to explain in a blog what that meant to my child mind that has lived to be perfect so that I might someday have the approval of my father…approval to exist, to be special, and to be seen.
I’m sure it’s hard for my students to believe how shy, small, and quiet I can get given how I show up to teach in such a drama way, but I do. Later in the day other yogis were coming up to me and asking me if I had just arrived. They hadn’t seen me before.
We are all so special. It really shouldn’t take another’s approval to make us feel special, but sometimes we must feed the child so that it can grow. Om, Pamela
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