It’s day two of Sat Nam Rasayan training. Yesterday we started slow which felt super fast to me. We literally jumped right in with working with partners using this esoteric and incredibly hard to describe modality to heal each other. I’m not kidding. We went in, rolled out the sheepies and began. I had no idea what I was doing. After a frustrating hour of listening to my ego and trying to manipulate the situation, I ran and bought the teaching manual. Three pages in, my friend and Sat Nam Rasayan teacher, Sat Siri, told me to put the book away and just have the experience. She knows me well.
The first three pages were fascinating. So, this modality was given to Guru Dev by Yogi Bhajan in a daily practice where no words were spoken. They simply sat with each other and practiced. Many years later, Yogi Bhajan asked Guru Dev to figure out how to teach it to ego control freaks like me. What is this amazing modality?
Well, I don’ t know. At this point we simply focus on a sensation in the body…contemplate it (I don’t know what that means)…and assume it has something to do with the healing of the person we are working with and intend without attachment for them to heal. I don’t know how my partner is feeling, but it feels great when she works on me. My partner seems peaceful and fine when I am working on her, but I swear she would roll up her sheep and run away if she really knew what was going on in my head.
I’m getting super frustrated and out of my skin. It makes me realize how much I intellectualize all of my experiences and how it is SOOOO not my practice to drop into my heart space as a first response. This is after 10+ years of hard core yoga and meditation practice. ugggg. It was funny. The theme of “anxiety” has been up for me and I blogged about that yesterday so won’t go there today, but I’m sitting in the front row right in front of Guru Dev and he looks straight at me (I think) and says that for Sadhana we would do a practice to eliminate anxiety.
This morning at 4 am was tough, needless to say. Do I feel better? Do I feel less anxious? I don’t know. I’m out of my skin already and all of my senses are like super hero power. Humee Hum…
Om, Pamela
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