Getting Old

I’ve never minded the process of aging.  There are, of course, the milestone birthdays like 21, 30, and 40 where you freak out a little bit, but I just assumed my next big freak out would come at 50.  I was wrong.  I’m turning 45 and I think I’m freaking out.

My eyes started to go about a year ago.  My kids were the ones to bring my spelling errors in my text messages to my attention.  I think it was my daughter who simply texted back, “you are getting old.”  I painted my kitchen a shade of green my son’s best friend named “old lady green.”  I actually had to stand in the kitchen in total stillness and silence for about 45 minutes to see the truth in the naming.  I still think it looked pretty, but got up the next day and painted it a proper Restoration Hardware taupe.  I find I’m favoring sweat pants, old tshirts, and my pink pajamas with the reindeer on them.  The last time I wore heels, I could barely walk in them…it’d been so long.   My clothing budget was transferred to my teenage daughter more than a year ago and I don’t miss it.  I don’t like new music as much as I used to and find solace in classical music.  I’ve been giving a ton of stuff away in an attempt to simplify or perhaps prepare for death. I find myself saying things like “these kids nowadays” and “when I was your age” and “remember when.”

My blood work came back from my annual check up and I’m menopausal.  Even as I write this, there is some thread of shame or fear there. As your looks go…well, you live in the same country as me so you know the drill.  Possibility aggravating this is my intense desire for personal freedom that leads me in and out of relationship with men.  At what point will I no longer be able to attract another with my physical beauty?  Sure.  Sure.  I hear you, but I know you hear me too.  I think women share a collective fear of physically aging.

Now don’t get me wrong.  Death is not imminent, but as you know, change is.  I sit on the razor’s edge and must choose how I will go forth into this process.  I choose grace.  I’ve been studying how to reverse this aging process and on February 18th I want to teach you.   I’ve found pranayama, meditation, yoga, herbs, spices, routines, and a very specified diet to totally immerse in for the next 3 months to halt and reverse this process.

I’ve been playing with it now for a month and can tell you I already have cured my hot flashes!  I even had several people during my son’s hospital stay ask if I was a teenage mom.  So, I think it is working.

learn more about Grace…the Art of Aging.  This Tuesday, February 18th, at 6:30 pm in Montgomery