This week’s theme is all about being myself as I enter stage 14 of the 21 Stages of Meditation. Of course, the Universe continues to collude to bring these lessons to my attention as I wind up to experience the transformative effects of these meditations.
In the past few days, I have been challenged to be myself. In group settings and even one on one with others, my karmic response is to people please and to show up the way that I perceive they want me to show up. This means that my agenda is put on the back burner and I’m manipulated into going with a divergent flow. I end up feeling dissatisfied and resentful. I think this happens to a lot of people, not just me. Examples from my life…leading teacher training this weekend, the students really wanted to “retreat” and have fun. I know they need to work hard and learn a lot more. I meet them halfway, but do not get to teach all I need to. Another example is not consistently being there for a friend because of another friends opinions or beliefs about said friend. In essence…choosing sides on some level…NOT yoga.
This 120-day Cleanse and our weekly Kundalini meditations have really brought to my awareness my thought patterns and habits. The subtle aspects of my mind no longer show up as subtle. They present as glaring contradictions in who I am on the inside and who I am on the outside. I notice I am taking solace/refuge in being alone/hiding where I can rest into my own energy. I find I’m exhausted by other people and it truly is not them, it’s me fighting my karma in a tangible and present way.
What is the cure? How do I get over this hurdle? This has been haunting me because I can’t create a solution, a technique, a modality, a meditation, or anything else for this. I just can’t figure it out. I’ve never been to this space in my mind. So, I surrender. God must show me the way out.
Of course, when you ask you receive. Tonight’s meditation is Laya Yoga and specifically heals the dysfunction in the mind I’m writing about. We use the Adi Mantra, “Eck Ong Kar Sat Nam Siree, Whaa-hay Guru” to merge into the sound current and experience both the form and formless nature of the Universe. We are then able to understand ourselves and expand, express, stay humble, and be authentic. It’s like a magical cure for the situation described above. I don’t have to do anything but chant the Adi Shakti mantra. This mantra will connect my own creativity to my actual actions. I’ll simply do the practice and be integrated. That’s why I love Kundalini. It just works and fixes the crud you can’t fix.
I wish I could explain it better or give you something to do on your own, but you simply must have the experience to see how it actually works. That’s actually one of the best things about yoga. It is your own personal experience of the infinite allowing for you to experience God through your own mental filters and karma. I’ll let you know what happens.
*The sole purpose of these articles is to provide information about the tradition of ayurveda, yoga, and meditation. This information is not intended for use in the diagnosis, treatment, cure or prevention of any disease. If you have any serious acute or chronic health concern, please consult a trained health professional who can fully assess your needs and address them effectively. Check with your doctor before taking herbs or using essential oils when pregnant or nursing.