If you know me then I don’t need to explain I look for the mystical in all experiences, including the loss of two senses post Covid. Now, it isn’t that I can’t smell or taste anything at all. If I went to an extreme of sour, pungent, or salt, then I would sorta taste. I get hints of flavors like vinegar and vanilla. It’s about two months now and at first I just figured it would all come back so I wasn’t too upset, but now I find myself extremely aggravated by the lack of pleasure in food and a heightened awareness of the value of smell in letting me know I am safe and everything is as it should be.
Recently something new has arisen. A few weeks ago, overnight, an odd smell and taste simply arose. Everything kinda has this odd smell/taste. I’ve settled on the idea it is arising within me which is quite a silly idea because all of our senses, while aroused externally, arise within us. This smell/taste is acrid and bitter and it reminds me of decay. It makes me think of the bottom of trashcans, but missing the sweet. It makes me think of the compost bin. It makes me think of dead animals three days post mortem. It makes me think of wet scum. It makes me think of DARKNESS. Yes. This is the taste and smell I’m living with. I’ve read other post Covid accounts and many are similar although the claim everything smell/tastes like gasoline is most common.
Arising in my mind was the idea I was smelling my own death or disease. Of course we are all decaying and death is imminent for all of us, but can you smell it coming? If we can train a dog to smell cancer, then it has a smell. Why does a dog love to smell trash and dead animals and fecal matter? They stick their nose right into that sh#t. Am I sick? Am I decaying?
The Goddess Kali has moved to my foyer. I know it is an odd placement during the holiday season, but she was calling me. We have an interesting relationship where I simply watch her and hope she brings no violent transformational change, yet I crave her attention because I love transformational change. My partner in life, inadvertently picked up Kali and touched her face. I looked on in horror. We laugh about most things so I jokingly (not) warned him to put her down and apologize to her unless he desired whiplash and he did gingerly put her back. Of course he was immediately forgiven. She would not have forgiven me. Covid did not take his sense of smell and taste.
On the Tree of Life, Binah (Understanding) is the feminine aspect of creation. Binah is black and sits across from Chokmah (Wisdom). Chokmah is white. Representing the masculine aspect. You might think of the Yin/Yang symbol if you are not familiar with the tree of life. Binah is the darkness from which all of creation arises. She is dark because humans eyes cannot see such light as she is. The same with Goddess Kali. She appears demonic in form because our human eyes cannot see her beauty. The same with Kundalini depicted as a black snake (yet not transformed to something beautiful….more to pursue on that).
All life is brought forth from darkness. The stuff of life is called Prima Materia and it goes by many names to protect the integrity of the Secret Teachings so those incapable or not ready to receive these teachings will misunderstand. One of the names of Prima Materia is “feces.” I’ve thought about that a lot. How we eat our food and the body decides what is good for it and what is not good for it and eliminates what is not good. From the feces life springs forth ultimately. From the waste comes life. The droppings from the animal and the decayed animal all go on to create new life.
And now I understand, we are made of starlight and it smells of sh#t.
I’m smelling starlight. I’m smelling the darkness from which I came. How many people get the chance to smell the starlight from which they are made? Of course it is burnt and acrid. Of course it overpowers everything. Will I miss it when my human senses return? And what of this darkness inside of me? Is it not beautiful? W hy on earth are we not daily digging in the soil and analyzing our excrement just as the Gurus advised? Do we not excrete from all orifices and does this excrement not become the Prima Materia? Are your words not excreted and do they not become the building material for your life?
And what of the darkness in you? Can you not love it knowing your darkness has created your greatest work of life?
Peace, Pamela
*The sole purpose of these articles is to provide information about the tradition of ayurveda, yoga, and meditation. This information is not intended for use in the diagnosis, treatment, cure or prevention of any disease. If you have any serious acute or chronic health concern, please consult a trained health professional who can fully assess your needs and address them effectively. Check with your doctor before taking herbs or using essential oils when pregnant or nursing.