2020 has been quite the year and I think we are all coming to a state of consciousness where there is no room for bullshit.  There is no room for people who are selfish, self centered, lie to you, steal from you, gossip about you and betray you.  There is no room for people who don’t check on you, who dismiss you and whose problems consistently “one up” your own.  Yet ending relationships that are toxic can leave you feeling guilty and bad even though it would be healthier for you to end things.  It can also be confusing so here is a process to help you get clear:

Grab a pen and paper.

Make a list of all the people in your life.

A Checkmark is a Positive.  A Circle is a Negative.

Put a check or circle as it applies to the following for each person:

  1. This person challenges me to be my best.
  2. This person is not afraid to have difficult conversations with me.
  3. This person shares my basic moral code
  4. When I think of this person I smile.
  5. This person does not betray or lie to me. They are transparent.
  6. This person inspires me.
  7. This person, while flawed, has control over it.
  8. I admire the relationships this person has with others.
  9. I admire this person’s character.
  10. I have open and easy communication with this person.

Now do the math.  Hopefully you have ended up with a few people to spend more focus on and a few to simply remove your focus from.  In yoga, if you want something to diminish in your life, simply stop focusing on it.  If you want something to grow strong, focus on it.  Energy flows with your attention.

Lots of people believe they need to have a conversation to “close” the relationship or some epic event.  You don’t.  Simply stop thinking it.  The relationship will end organically and it doesn’t have to be painful.  Sometimes, you do need to have a final goodbye especially if the person has wronged you.  This can help to move the karma more quickly, but be sure you are ending the relationship before you have the conversation, otherwise you are stirring things up.

What makes a healthy relationship?

  • The person makes time for you.
  • The person gets to know you…your hopes…your dreams…your happiness…your sorrow.
  • The person knows when you are suffering and is there for you.
  • The person is comfortable with you and makes you aware when they suffer.

How do you negatively impact your relationships?   All of the following make you difficult to relate to:

1. Anger
2. Anxiety
3. A suspecting nature
4. Not forgiving
5. An unloving nature
6. Hatred
7. Karma
8. Impatience
9. Insecurity
10. Feeling Not Worthy
11. Feeling left out
12. Feeling rejected
You can heal yourself attract right relationships through the psychological modalities as well as the lifestyle of yoga.  I’m here to help!  Pamela

“Commitment—the power to succeed when you are powerless. Character—you cannot be shaken. Dignity—do not hesitate to do what you have to do for somebody. Divinity— nothing can touch you. Grace— stand any disgrace with grace. Power to sacrifice—know you own nothing, that everything is of God, and give to whomsoever has the need. Happiness —do something for no self-gain. A few breaths of life through you can uplift something for a moment. “I” has only one meaning—that you can do something for somebody. When “I” is for yourself you have wasted your life.”
–Yogi Bhajan, 1/29/01

 

 

*The sole purpose of these articles is to provide information about the tradition of ayurveda, yoga, and meditation. This information is not intended for use in the diagnosis, treatment, cure or prevention of any disease. If you have any serious acute or chronic health concern, please consult a trained health professional who can fully assess your needs and address them effectively. Check with your doctor before taking herbs or using essential oils when pregnant or nursing.