Love Is Not The Yogi Way

Monday, November 25, 2019:

Today is a half day and I couldn’t be more glad.  I took a slip yesterday going back down from our rave yesterday (see below).  The hike there and back was a wee bit intense for my tennis shoes.  I also got stuck practicing yoga next to a snotty human and then sitting next to a snotty human the rest of the day.  My head is hurting and I have a weird pain in my lower intestines.  Digestion in the Yoga Forest is a struggle and it seems real for all.

The Shaman witch lady showed up the last two days to teach us about the Chakras.  Good lord.  I don’t even think you have to be a yoga teacher nowadays to know about the chakras.  Five total hours.  She was to teach us a meditation to loop and connect the chakras back to the heart which is the center of it all, but we ran out of time.

There was a discussion about love and how love is really all there is and we are seeking to be in a state of love and love everyone and everything.  I know you think that sounds good.  AND IT IS WRONG and NOT YOGA.  Love is simply an emotion which feels better than hate.  Both are subject to modifications and fluctuations and therefore both make you equally miserable.  Ramakrishna says “Emotion nor sentimentalism nor anything that belongs to the senses has any place in reaching eternal consciousness. “

Love, of course, is more “sattvic” or pure and so being in a loving state is much better than being in a “tamasic” or dark hating state.  We choose love, peace, forgiveness, and joy because it makes the individual life happier with less drama karma.  I’m not against love.

Getting stuck in an emotional state not only will ultimately cause you suffering, but it will not allow you to transcend your ordinary existence.  The reason we do yoga is to still the thinking mind so you can see.  What you are desiring to see is God.  There I said the “God” word which yogis today are so opposed to saying.  You can’t see God blinded by love.  

Saying you love everyone and everything is bullshit.  Do you love folks building pipelines and destroying the environment?  Do they love the protestors taking away their jobs?  Do you love the terrorists who destroyed the world trade centers?  Do you love your ex who cheated on you?  Do you love ISIS knowing they have tortured and murdered?  Do you love the serial killer?  Do you love Jeff Benzos and just think he is friggin awesome for all him money? Do you love the meat eaters?  Do you love the child molesters?  Do you love all your cousins and relatives and neighbors?   You don’t.  You might claim some “universal” law, but all that means is you avoid the topics or the people like a plague.

The path of the yogi is to sit in duality and not mind.  It’s okay to hate any of the above.  It’s okay.  But don’t stay there.  And don’t stay in love.

Ramaskrishna also says, “Do not try to cure this world.  Nothing will cure this world.  Go beyond it.”  Read that 1,000 times.

Practice teaching:

This morning was the one opportunity to teach for the entire group and the teachers as part of our training.  I was in a group of 4.  I went last for the cool down which was meticulously planned with a nice little talk track too.  Every time we would meet I would warn them to not go over their 20 minutes or it would really mess up my 20 minutes.  Flighty yogis.  So I ended up with only 8 minutes.  Uh…people…you think maybe I do this for a living?  So of course no one had much feedback for me because I only had 8 minutes.  I have only two more weeks here and then home!!!

Sunday, November 24, 2019:

Today was ecstatic dance.  Have you ever been to a rave on a Sunday at 11 am overlooking a huge lake under a large bamboo shelter?  No?  Well I’m sure you’ve been out to the club and possibly even experienced a rave.  It wasn’t much different.

We started our dance with a big circle of a lot of people and drank Cacao which is like hot chocolate.  The Mayans treat Cacoa as a ceremonial drink.  Everyone acts like it is “plant medicine” or a drug, but all it does to me is gives me a sugar high without the crash.  After drinking it you just feel kind of grounded and nice.  I’ll have to research later and see if it really does affect the mind or not.

They called in the four directions of the wind.  I wished Vickie Fairchild had been here because she really does do it best.  Vickie stands up and faces the directions.  We just sat in a circle and these young women dressed in festival attire with lots of feathers in their hair and glitter on their face took turns with the directions.

The rules of the dance are no talking to anyone and if you don’t want to dance with anyone you put your arms crossed over your body.  I wasn’t too worried about that given I had most beat by 20 years and was definitely the most clothed.  Looking around the room I was struck that everyone was young, fit, scantily clad, and appeared mostly white.  Who are these people?

The dance started and I lasted about 3 songs.  Most folks appeared to be on drugs and dancing with the divine began to appear silly.  I know I have my opinions, but I don’t think drugs are the way to God.

I thought of my daughter when she was seven years old.  She wanted to take dance lessons so I found some at the church up the street.  I dropped her off and came back an hour later to get her.  She got in the car and slammed the door and declared she wasn’t going back EVER.  Why?  What happened?   Apparently they made her dance for Jesus.  I get it and admire more and more her fierce independence.  Know who you are. (Dharma)

In Guatemala I have been put in many uncomfortable situations.  I have my anchors.  Katie and her clear mind are one.  I also took one of Lances red Chapsticks.  I know it seems silly, but it is home to me so I put it on when anxiety starts to build.  I brought my ruby mala.  I take it off my wrist and run it over my middle finger (Saturn) pulling each bead to me and chanting my Guatemala mantra…I’m going home.  I’m going home.  I’m going home.

I sat in the garden for the next 2 hours waiting for the rave to end and my group of TTs to join me.  While there I witness a young man and young woman fill a pipe with brown powder and then blow it up each other’s nose.  It looked quite painful with lots of nose & eye running.  I watched them closely to see if they acted different after and to be honest they acted more normal after than they were before.  Later one of the girls told me they were snorting tobacco which was also offered at their Mesculine cactus trip, but most declined.

I hate to be a prude and I wonder why I am so resistant to some of this stuff.  I think it’s because I did Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training and have taught Kundalini for six years.  Now I know Kundalini can look like a crazy cult with their white outfits and turbans, but one outstanding thing Kundalini teaches is for women to show up in their authority and with modesty.

So to see a lot of high yogis barely clothed dancing and gyrating does not appeal to me.  The guy to girl ratio is slim so there are a ton of women and very few men.  I asked one of the girls if those guys get laid all the time and she laughed and said yes they do.  It has that vibe.  Men dressed in festival gear embracing their feminine through dance are very attractive to young wounded women finding their way through yoga.  

I think I’m crazy and prudish and of course I feel judgmental.  I really don’t care what they are doing and they seem to be having fun, I just don’t think it is yoga or the way to realization.  The teachings here are cluttered and therefore confusing.  Yoga is not confusing.

Back at the Yoga Forest one of the employees stopped me to talk.  A young woman.  She said she saw me at the dance and respects my non participation.  She’s over the whole instagram yogi thing where every seemingly sacred moment turns into an Instagram moment.  She expressed dismay at all the beautiful and lithe bodies noting that was the only type there.  So I’m not crazy.  Of course, I may be judge mental.  Or just mental at this point.